Stripes that wound scour away evil, And strokes reach the innermost parts. Proverbs 20:30
Physical punishment . . . here is a topic that brings out the most strident opposition in a lot of people. When it refers to children some call it child abuse - and when it comes to the punishment of those who break the law the phrase "cruel and unusual punishment" is used. So what exactly is God's take on the idea of corporal punishment and some kind of physical response to disobedience and criminal activity? There are two levels to understand this Proverb - that of the physical and the responsibility of parents and the state - and a purely spiritual level and how it relates to our growth in a relationship with the Lord. I'll begin with what is being addressed most clearly here - which is the response of parents and governing officials to disobedience and crime. Our justice system has turned away from the biblical view of crime and punishment. We try to rehabilitate criminals without thought that they need to acknowledge that they've stepped over a very serious line in their behavior. The results are not encouraging at all. We have overcrowded jails and prisons where repeat offenders abound. We've gotten to the point where we have more people interested in the rights of the criminals than in the rights of those they infringed upon with their godless behavior. Our prisons therefore have revolving doors on them - and with the present focus, there are few who are rehabilitated while incarcerated. Put our current record next to one of a modern state that practices physical punishment for a crime. Several years ago a young American citizen was arrested from a crime in one of these states. He was convicted and sentenced to a caning. People in the United States, especially among liberals, went ballistic. Yet the facts should be viewed without all the hysteria. Their crime rates are much lower than ours. What they see currently and have seen in the past is that truly stripes and strokes do scour away evil in the heart. They do reach the innermost parts of a person. They are a very powerful deterrent to crime and disobedience. The spiritual level is little diffeerent. God disciplines those He loves and, according to Hebrews 12, He scourges every son He accepts. How does God deal with His own children? He disciplines them with scourgings - stripes and strokes that scour away the evil of our hearts and make us think twice about being disobedient again. We are fallen beings and have a sad tendency to ignore God and His commandments and turn instead to what our flesh cries out for constantly. The way God deals with this is to bring us into discipline. Anyone who has ever experienced this discipline knows that it is stern but loving. There is no doubt that God loves us when He disciplines us - but He is dead serious about it too. He knows what is at stake - and is wanting to deter us from walking in rebellion and sin. These things will hurt us - and in some cases even destroy us - therefore He takes it very seriously a trip to the proverbial spiritual woodshed. But do not ever be mistaken . . . God does these things because He loves us. The same should be said for parents and for a society that crafts effective physical punsihments for those who break the law. Physical punishment and corporal punishment may be unpopular with the liberal elements of our society - but in all honesty, they are wrong. Yes there need to be limits put in place - there needs to be a humane way to practice the death penalty - and there should be wisdom in a parents administration of discipline. Yet there also should be a full acknowledgement that the sinful nature of man will not respond to a call to reform alone. It is in the best interests of a family - and indeed a society to practice physical and corporal punishment. How do we know? The Word of God informs us. POSTSCRIPT: Recently, individuals have quoted this article and stated that we teach child abuse at Calvary Chapel Jonesboro. To this I feel the need to respond. First, biblically, we are told that if we have a problem with our brother to go to our brother - not the internet - and confront our brother. To date, these individuals have yet to contact me to discuss these things. That should say volumes in itself. Second, we do not teach child abuse at our fellowship. This blog is an endeavor to teach what is in the Bible for the edification and upbuilding of God's people. Anyone who has been to our fellowship knows that in our classrooms we administer NO physical discipline. We correct with words and with "time outs" and eventually with a report to parents. From our nursery throughout every age group our people are instructed NEVER to administer physical discipline. We believe this right alone belongs to a parent. Even then we teach the following about any application of physical discipline. Discipline is about the heart of a child. Physical or corporal punishment is ONLY to be administered in a spirit of love for the child. Teaching and loving verbal correction is key - as is prayer for the child's eventual salvation in Jesus Christ. Any physical punishment administered due to anger or rage is out of line and wrong. The parent is to discipline the child with appropriate discipline - not abuse. In the end the child should be taught - and in every circumstance hugged, loved, and prayed with after any physical punishment to assure them of our love. The idea of a "beating" is completely out of step with what the Scriptures are teaching. Instead the idea of loving discipline is intended.
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He who assaults his father and drives his mother away Is a shameful and disgraceful son.
Proverbs 19:26 Here we have a proverb that is very strong in what it says. We have a son who is assaulting his dad - and driving his mother away from him. This is very strong language - so strong that many of us could not imagine a young man doing something like this. Yet this proverb is given as a warning to both the son who would act this way - and the parents who would rear such a child who chooses such things. This young man "assualts" his father. The Heberw word here is "sadad" and it means to destroy and ravage, to oppress and assualt, to spoil and lay waste or devastate. I find it interesting that the NASB chose the word assault because it speaks more of the physical idea expressed in this word -rather than how other translastions use the words, "do violence" or "wasteth." Regardless, there is a violent reaction in this son toward his father. He does not like him -and the biblical concept of honoring him is completely absent in his attitude and actions. Mattoon uses this definition in his commentary on this passage, "The word "wasteth" is from the Hebrew word shadad {shaw-dad'}. This word means "to deal violently with, devastate, ruin, destroy, spoil, assault, or utterly ruin." (Treasures from Proverbs, Vol. 1, Mattoon). Mattoon gives the idea that there is not just violence here - but a lifestyle that devastates and ruins a father. There are many sons whose lifestyles ruin their parents. Some do it through drugs, while others have run ins with the law that bankrupts their parents. Others live ungodly and immoral lives that ruin the family name. Whatever it is - the son who does this is a shameful and disgraceful young man. Not only does this young man act ungodly toward his father - he also "drives his mother away" too. He lives in a way that is so ungodly that it literally drives his mother away from him. He chases her away - making her want to run from her own child. This is such a shameful and disgraceful lifestyle because the statement is true that mothers will stick with you longer than anyone else. Your mother's love is pretty much the last thing you can lose in life. If you run her off - you've pretty much gone as low as you can go. There is also another way that this passage can be understood - and it has to do with the wicked doctrine of Dr. Freud and his disgusting psychological babble that has done much to destroy our families. Dr. Freud has gotten the reputation of blaming everything in our lives on our parents. Thus we have a couple of generations which he has spoiled with his ignorant philosophy of blaming everything on mom and dad. We even have Christian counsellors who instruct their clients that they should have a hatred for their parents who have messed them up in their lives. What is the fruit of such counselling? It is a generation more spoiled than any we can remember in the history of our nation. We have a generation of children who have no honor or respect for their parents. The fruit of that is that we are now rearing generation after generation in this self-destructive pattern. It leads only to more and more shamfeul and disgraceful sons and daughters. God intends for us to honor father and mother. It is not a suggestion, it is a command. The generation that ignores this command will not do well. The promise of God is that when we honor our parents it will go well with us and that we will live long in the land God gives us. I know this proverb looks like it speaks only to physical violence (which if you watch the news is far more prevelent than one would want) but there is a verbal violence toward parents today that needs to be abandoned. I am not saying that our parents were perfect - but most of us should wake up to how good we had it with loving ones. Maybe we can look at the dearth of this promise in the last several generations - (i.e. things are NOT going well - we are NOT living long in this land) and stop the madness of being so disrespectful and dismissive of our parents. Then maybe we can stop the next generation from being even more shameful and disgraceful as the one before us today. A foolish son is a grief to his father And bitterness to her who bore him. Proverbs 17:25
This is a proverb that we've seen before in a slightly different fashion. The only difference is that the word for fool here is the Hebew word "kesiyl" which is a different word than what we've seen in the past. So, with a different word as our guide, lets look at the fool who is a heartbreak to both his mother and father. The word "kesiyl refers to one of several different types of fools mentioned in Scripture. The word study we'll do here will reveal much to us. The first way this word is used is in Ecclesiastes 4:5,13 - where we see that it refers to someone who is unable to deal with the issues of life in successful or practically godly ways. We see that his laziness and unwillingness to be corrected or taught brings about serious problems for him. In Psalm 49:10-11 the psalmist uses the word "stupid" to describe someone who refuses to learn anything. Proverbs 1:32 speaks of a young man who is complacent about his ungodly ways and sees no need to change anything in his life. Psalm 92:6 reveals that he does not understand spiritual issues and Ecclesiastes 2:14 shows us that he chooses to walk in darkness and see the problems he has. We get the idea that this son is a young man who refuses to learn or listen to anyone other than himself. He is lazy and undisciplined - and that is most clearly seen in that he refuses to do what is necessary to be guided by a person, a book, or any kind of mentor. In the end this young man's ignorance is embraced as he thinks that nothing is wrong - and his life needs no change. As a result he walks in darkness and doesn't even know it. His spiritual ignorance is astounding - yet the young man sees no connection between his problems and his unwillingness to listen and learn from anyone. The parents of such a child are to be pitied. The father is filled with grief. The word for this is "kaas" which means to be angry and provoked. The same word is used for God's anger toward those who paractice idolatry. For the father of this young person - his anger and vexation is due to the fact that his child worships himself and his own mind rather than God. The only person he listens too and values is himself. His mother if filled with a sense of bitterness. It is very difficult for her to process the choices and actions of such a child. The word in the Hebrew speaks of a harsh reality that is the opposite of something pleasant. Her sorrow and pain is sharp as she tries to rear a child who values nothing of what is offered to him, unless he already has thought of it himself. This young person's attitude mirrors that of a lost person without Christ. They are filled with ideas and thoughts that only validate their own thinking. They love their sin and see no need to stop it. They are grossly ignorant and stupid - valuing only their own thinking and reasoning which is fatally flawed by the fall of man into sin. There is no hope for such a young man or woman were it not for the grace and mercy of God. Fortunately for such people God pursues us by His infinite mercy. He brings us to a knowledge of our true condition and the sheer massive gargantuan size of our stupidity. He then draws us and opens our eyes to our condition - offering grace to change us from the inside out. For the parent of such a rebellious, ignorant child - there is only one hope. That hope is to fall on one's knees and cry out to God. Pray that He will open their eyes to their stupidity and deadness of heart - and then change them by the wonderful operation of His grace! There is little else one can do outside this. Thanks be to God that He delights in changing stupid young people into wise saints by His saving grace. He who sires a fool does so to his sorrow, And the father of a fool has no joy. Proverbs 17:21
Wisdom knows that children can be a source of great joy - and also a source of incredible sorrow. This particular proverb points us to the fact that a man who has a child - and that child becomes a fool - is a man who will have a great deal or sorrow, pain, and difficulty. There are a couple of things we should note, though, in this statement. When a man sires a fool - it is not just the process of having a child that is meant here. God calls us to rear our children according to His Word - making sure that we first live it before them - and also that we spend time teaching them this Word as well. Listen to what God says in Deuteronomy on this issue. “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. “These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. “You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. “You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead. “You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. (Deuteronomy 6:5-9) It is so important to see here a call to reality in our own spiritual walk first. We are to love God with all our heart, soul, and might. We are to put His Word on OUR hearts first. Then right after this is the command to teach these things DILIGENTLY to our children. The way this is said givbes the impression that this is to be part of our lifestyle. When we do not do this - we are paving the way to be one who has sired a fool. But the reality is that the foolishness was not inherent in the child - it often is a learned response. Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, proverbs tells us, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him. Often a fool is created by one who thinks that discipline and correction are too strident for a child. The fact is leave these things out of a child's life - and you will sire a fool before it is over. The father here has no joy - because has to watch his son live like a fool. He watches his boy live a life that is very self-destructive. He also watches as the lack of his own parenting comes back to haunt him. Let me give a brief testimony concerning rearing children. God has blessed me with 6 wonderful children - and a very, very godly wife. We are in the twilight of rearing our children. Child-rearing is not a spectator sport - and often is a full contact - heart-breaking activity. God has blessed us with very godly kids who have a heart for God. But this was NOT something that was like falling off of a log. There were times when we taught - times when we had to discipline - and times when we wondered if discipline even worked. But we trusted God's Word. There were also times when we had to confront our teenage children with their lifestyle choices. We faced times when we were the "uncool" parents - and even times when one would tell us that they hated us and that we were ruining their lives. Ah, good times . . . But there were also times when we would invest in our children - being at events - spending hours talking, listening, and even answering difficult questions. All this required time, effort, and at times very tough choices. I am saying this to say that too many men are little more than sperm donors to their children. I know that is a rough statement - but rearing children requires a lifetime committment to them - and to God. By the way, it also requires learning how to walk with god yourself. There were times when God would call ME on the carpet - rebuke me - and correct me. Honestly - the best place to learn parenting is from how God dealt with His people. There were times when I would have to face the fact that I had been a hypocrite - and then would have to sit my children down and admit it to them! We were anything but "perfect parents." We were participants in the gospel and the grace of God. We were participants in growing up in the Lord. I know that at least I was a royal doofus many times. There are times when I wonder how any of my kids could turn out well when I look at the progression of my own heart. When I think of how often I fell - how often I failed - and how often I was on my face dealing with my own sin. I've had to face daily discipline from God - and from brothers who help me stay committed to the Lord. Without this - I would have utterly destroyed my testimony. Here is what I am trying to say. Life is a full-contact sport. It is hard. It is difficult and often is exhausting. It also has a million blessings intersperced in it as well. To live it - we have to turn to God a billion times - often wondering when we will ever get it right. But this IS life. We sire fools when we do not both walk with them through this wonderful gauntlet - as well as teach them and cheer them on as they make their way through after us. It requires us to live our lives for God's purposes and plans - even in having children. It requires us to die daily to ourselves and live for God's glory in it all. Is this easy . . . NO! Is it possible . . . YES! Is it rewarding and awesome and amazing as we walk with God through it all . . . ABSOLUTELY! Therefore, I urge you men out there reading this to take the task of loving God, loving your wife, and siring and rearing children very seriously. It will take your whole life to do it - it will cost you everything to accomplish it - but it will mean everything to you when you look back on it with joy - seeing your kids follow Christ. A worker's appetite works for him, For his hunger urges him on. Proverbs 16:26
Did you know that the Bible does not support the idea of a welfare state? There is plenty in the Scriptures that support giving to help out the poor and disadvantaged. But the idea of providing a living for someone without them having to work - especially when they are able to work - is foreign to the Bible. God's Word encourages us to work - and to work hard. Beginning with God encouraging man to work the garden - prior to the fall - and continuing through the New Testament where Paul tells us that if a man will not work, not to let him eat - God is adamant about people giving themselves to worthwhile endeavors in life. We've seen several verses already that rebuke the sluggard and warn him to apply himself to work hard. God also encourages us to enjoy our work in the book of Ecclesiastes. God's Word states that a "do nothing" mindset will destroy a man's character - and eventually his life. Welfare will eventually create not just a sluggard, but a person who feels that they are entitled to getting things without working. This entitlement attitude will not just destroy an individual - it can destroy entire economies and states. When the state either cuts off these entitlements or even downgrades them in size - the lazy rise up and riot because they have grown to expect something for nothing. The whole idea of incentive and hunger is necessary for a society to have a good work ethic. The incentive causes the worker to become more dependable and productive. He works harder and better and in the process not only blesses himself - but his company and even his entire nation. The hunger for food is one way that this is seen - and the hunger for even better things can be a continued way this is beneficial. First we work so that we can feed ourselves and our families. Over time our families are fed, but we want even better things for them. This comes not out of greed, but out of a true desire to bless our families - even beyond the scope of our lives. The incentive to see our children have a better life is a good thing. Our society is falling apart because it has ignored these things. We have begun to adopt a mindset toward socialism - where the government takes care of all the people. God did not intend for this to be the case. He meant for men to care for their families - and for the state to only have a limited role in governing our lives. The family is the basic unit of society - and the place where values and work ethic is to be taught and encouraged. Even with our children we are to use incentive to help them see the need to work and to labor. When a child is spoiled by his parents - that child is given everything they want - without having to work for what they receive. The child does not appreciate these things - and even has resentment when the parent either cannot or will not provide something they demand. The child never learns a solid work ethic - which damages them for life. They don't work hard - get fired from multiple jobs - which they always equate to a problem with the employer. The problems they have even enter into their marriage and family - because they are unwilling to work and do what is necessary to bless a family. Everything is about them and what they want. Thus they destroy not just their own lives - but in time multiple generations which follow in their footsteps. The incentive and drive to work - and work hard is a matter of godliness in the end. It is encouraged by God granting to us an appetite - and a hunger for food. If we are coddled and protected from hunger and need. If we are given everything and never made to work for what is necessary. If we are spoiled as children - and even as adults - we are headed for a disastrous end. The older we get, the more selfless we should become. The selfishness of a little child is not to be encouraged - but worked out of them. If this is not done - not even their hunger can get them to engage in profitable work. When multiplied over the face of a region - and even a nation - this will lead to the fall of that nation. Let your hunger and your thirst be a motivation to work hard - and to encourage others to do the same. It may seem hard at first - but you will see the wisdom of God's Word in encouraging work and labor as a way to bless ourselves and others around us. In the fear of the Lord there is strong confidence, And his children will have refuge.
Proverbs 14:26 It is in the book of Proverbs that we learn that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. Only when we have a proper respect and fear of God will we understand things as we ought to in life. It is a lack of fearing God that leads to sin and to ungodly behavior and choices. Thus it should be no shock to us that the fear of the Lord brings us a strong confidence in how we live, what we say, and in how we look to the future. The fool has no such confidence in life. Their brief forays into confidence are mere moments of braggadoccio that fade into insignificance when suffering and death make their appearance. Confidence comes to the man or woman of God because they fear the Lord. They truly know the end of the story - which is that man will stand in the judgment before a holy God. That seems a little odd at first because we read in the book of Hebrews that it is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of an angry God. But for the one who fears the Lord, that day will not involve falling into the hands of a yet angry and wrathful God. Wisdom has told him to run to God's provision of forgiveness and grace which is in Jesus Christ. When we do this we know that the wrath of God fell upon His own Son, so that we might be forgiven and granted great grace by our loving Father. When we choose to fear God now - we will not have to cower in terror later. We fear God now - looking in absolute terror at the cross and what God truly requires in His holiness to pay for the debt of sin. It is in seeing what had to be done to Christ Jesus to pay for sin that we cringe in horror at what our wickedness truly costs. But when we embrace Jesus Christ, receiving the gift of repentance and faith, our sins are gone. Thus there is no longer the "terror of the Lord" at the thought of judgment, but rather a strong confidence that our anchor will hold. Jesus Christ has paid all that there is to pay - and we are forgiven and free. The second part of this proverb is vital for us to see as well. We are told that the children of the man who fears the Lord will have a a refuge. This points to the fact that if a man truly knows the Lord, his greatest desire is for his children to know his Savior as well. The refuge that his children have is first seen in how he rears them and teaches them the Scriptures. What a wonderful refuge is provided by a set of godly parents to their children as they grow up in the Lord. The parents may not be perfect, but they provide an example of two who walk with the Lord - and who look to Him for their hope and their salvation. They also do their very best to teach their children the things of the Lord and the gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ. They pray for their children and do all that they can to see that they follow them in their pursuit of Jesus Christ in life. God desires for men to be saved. That is a given when you read the Scriptures. But there is more. He also desires that there be many godly generations descending from a family who have come to Christ. This is the legacy that comes to children and grandchildren - and even great grandchildren of those whose parents fear the Lord. Oh that we would see this and live in the fear of God. Oh that we would provide a lasting refuge - a lasting legacy of godliness and gospel-led lives to our children - and even to many generations of our families. Discipline your son while there is hope, And do not desire his death. Proverbs 19:18
At first glance this particular proverb seems kind of intense. But when you consider what happens when a child is not taught to bring his selfish tendencies under some kind of discipline and control - you are leaving them in a very precarious position in life. We are to discipline our children early. That is what is being said by saying to discipline a child while there is hope. The hope is that by helping a child to recognize selfishness - and to fight its destructive ways - you are giving that child hope for better things. Consider if you will the start of life on this planet. We are taught that Adam and Eve had two sons. Jealousy led one son to kill his brother. The early chapters of Genesis inform us of a remarkable downward spiral that took place in the human race. By the time God decided to destroy all but Noah's family, the imagination of man was set continuously on evil. It did not take long for the Fall of mankind to manifest itself in every kind of sin and rebellion imaginable. This is why we MUST discipline our sons. Because of the Fall mankind is basically and terminally selfish and self-centered. Left to himself man would destroy himself with this selfish bent. Discipline at an early age helps to combat this natural selfish tendency. We bring this discipline to our children in hope that they will have their basic, natural selfish tendencies held in check until a time when they are convicted of sin by the work of the Holy Spirit. It is not that we think we can overcome the flesh by child-training, but we do see a need to put limitations and boundaries in their lives so that the flesh is not completely unchecked. To withhold discipline from a child is to "desire his death." There are some who translate this as meaning that a father is not to discipline so severely that he winds up killing a child, but the evidence behind this translation is very weak. The King James version translates it as a call to discipline a child and not be swayed by their crying. When you discipline a child properly, most will cry. Some will cry because they were spanked - others will cry because they are responding to the guilt of being caught - while still others will cry to try to get you to stop the discipline process. Whatever the case, this passage, if translated this way is trying to steel the heart of a parent who may decide against discipline because their heart just can't handle having their child cry or be in any kind of pain. This is actually selfishness on the parent's part because they should be looking at the long term effects of the punishment and discipline, not the short-term reaction of the child. The other main way this is translated is to warn the parents of the long term effects of not disciplining a child. The natural selfishness of a child will lead them to reject the Lord and embrace their full sinfulness. This, if left to fester and grow to its fullness will bring a child to a point where they will embrace a lifestyle without God. In the end, their willfulness will kill them - if not with actions that are harmful to their lives - then with a rejection of God and His discipline. Hebrews 12:5-9 reminds us that God disciplines us as a godly parent would. If a child is only used to getting their own way, they will reject such a God - and will ultimately reject Christ. Disciplining a child is serious business. We are to do so with a godly set of standards and choices. These guide a father as he disciplines with a view to godliness - and also as he reigns in his own anger and refrains from having discpline turn into abuse. But the real end in disciplining a child is to turn them away from their own selfish, fleshly tendencies. The process of making a child face correction and conviction for doing wrong is preparation for God's future rebuke of their conduct. This one will come by God's grace as they are convicted of their sin - and brought to repentance and faith in Jesus Christ as the answer for their sinfulness and need of salvation. In light of THAT day, discipline your child and make them face their selfishness and sinfulness - for your preparatory work will TRULY prevent them from death - ultimate death due to sin. Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of discipline will remove it far from him. Proverbs 22:15
Ah, we come to the NOT-Dr. Spock proverb. If you do not know who Dr. Spock is the first thing I should tell you is that he is not the pointy-eared science officer from the Star Trek series. He is a child psychologist from the 1960's who announced to the world through his writings that spanking a child was wrong. Unfortunately an entire generation decided that he was right (after all he is a psychologist!) and that God was wrong. If you are wondering the results of that choice, take a look at our society today. Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child. This is a view that is also rejected by the vast majority of psychologists and educators today. We are told that we need to let children "express themselves." When we try to impose our views upon them - we are only warping them in our image. I can only tell you that when we add a biblical worldview to the practice of guiding and disciplining a child - people in the academic world tend to go ballistic. But the biblical fact is, well . . . fact. The Bible reprents mankind as fallen and ruined due to sin. That includes little ones fresh out of the womb. I know that it is very easy to look at little ones and think, "Oh, they are so cute - they're just little angels." The problem is that they are NOT little angels. The Biblical view is that they are little fools - and will remain that way unless we apply the rod of discipline in their lives. Children will basically be selfish and self-centered. The will have a tendency toward sin - and if left to themselves without discipline will become little tyrants. Some will howl with disapproval for this statement saying that not all children are this way. I've helped rear six children and would be the first to say that different children have different ways that they express their sinful nature - but every one of them needed discipline to keep from being fools. Some of my children were active in their rebellion - others were passive in how they disobeyed - but without a doubt they all disobeyed naturally. God's Word says that what we are after is their hearts. Note that we read that foolishness is bound up in a child's heart. We are not aiming for their bottoms - although that is where the discipline usually is administered. We are aiming for their hearts. We want them to see that they are fallen and that they need God. We want them to see that they are foolish and need the wisdom of God. We want them to see that they are sinful and need the forgiveness of God. We also want them to see that they are bound in sin and desperately need the deliverance of God. Finally, we need for them to see that they are fatally flawed and need the regeneration of God that comes with salvation. They need their "heart of stone" to be replaced at salvation with the heart of flesh that God promises in the new covenant. One reason we do this is because they must learn that discipline is the way of life. God will continue to discipline them as Hebrews 12:5-9 says. If we are His children - we WILL be disciplined. Thus we are to be trained by our parents early to learn to receive discipline and to learn from it. The rod of discipline is applied to help remove the foolishness from our hearts. As it does its work, we will grow in wisdom and understanding - and will learn to put away foolish things from our lives. There are some who will argue that the "rod" mentioned here is just words. But the word itself means a rod or stick - a club or the stick in a spear. I will not argue with those who say that at times God refers to the rod of His mouth. But when it comes to child training there are other passages in Proverbs that make it clear that we are to spank our children in disciplining them. This being said, I will also state clearly that over-spanking a child is abuse - and that God's Word refers to "LOVING" discipline that should be administered. Simply grabbing a child and swatting them is very ineffective. There should be instruction, clear boundaries, discipline, as well as reassuring love that is given after any kind of spanking that is given to a child. Our children need to know that we are not disciplining them because they are annoying us. We are discplining them so that they will become pliable in the hands of God - and so that they will learn not to embrace foolishness when it presents itself in their minds or through their friends and aquaintences. This is the kind of discipline that will train up that child. It is also the kind that will help them love their parents - and later the Lord for what He is doing. They will see that this is a very positive thing done out of love and always done with their ultimate best interests in mind. POSTSCRIPT: Recently, individuals have quoted articles from this section and stated that we teach child abuse at Calvary Chapel Jonesboro. To this I feel the need to respond. First, biblically, we are told that if we have a problem with our brother to go to our brother - not the internet - and confront our brother. To date, these individuals have yet to contact me to discuss these things. That should say volumes in itself. Second, we do not teach child abuse at our fellowship. This blog is an endeavor to teach what is in the Bible for the edification and upbuilding of God's people. Anyone who has been to our fellowship knows that in our classrooms we administer NO physical discipline. We correct with words and with "time outs" and eventually with a report to parents. From our nursery throughout every age group our people are instructed NEVER to administer physical discipline. We believe this right alone belongs to a parent. Even then we teach the following about any application of physical discipline. Discipline is about the heart of a child. Physical or corporal punishment is ONLY to be administered in a spirit of love for the child. Teaching and loving verbal correction is key - as is prayer for the child's eventual salvation in Jesus Christ. Any physical punishment administered due to anger or rage is out of line and wrong. The parent is to discipline the child with appropriate discipline - not abuse. In the end the child should be taught - and in every circumstance hugged, loved, and prayed with after any physical punishment to assure them of our love. The idea of a "beating" is completely out of step with what the Scriptures are teaching. Instead the idea of loving discipline is intended. Hear, my son, your father's instruction And do not forsake your mother's teaching; Indeed, they are a graceful wreath to your head And ornaments about your neck. Proverbs 1:8-9
Why do we need to listen to our fathers and mothers? It is because God intends for us to learn of Him through them. If you watch television and listen to the dominant voices in our society you will hear this particular admonition greatly militated against. Our world wants us to make our own path and decide what we believe for ourselves - or at least when they are trying to influence us. There are those who think that a child who is being trained and taught diligently by their parents is being indoctrinated. Their answer is to stop this child abuse and let children make up their own minds concerning how they respond to the message from the fallen world. Of course you see what this brings when you look at society today and the direction that most children are going. God says for a child to hear his father's instruction. Just a brief word to fathers as this begins. Dads . . . are you instructing your children in the things of the Lord? Do they hear you speak of the things of God often - and in a didactic fashion? Part of our problem today is that fathers don't take their roles seriously. They abandon the rearing of their children to their mothers and to the world. They figure that the educational system will do this work along with the mother. But God does not see it this way - in fact - He does not even want the father to abandon the teaching of his children to the church - or the Sunday School. This can be a valuable ally - but nothing can replace a godly dad teaching his children the things of the Lord. Something that may even be more shocking to our current climate of child-rearing is the fact that this word "instruction" means more than just word of mouth. It means to chastise and discipline a child. The word here is used more of this than anything else. The ideas of discipline, chastening, punishment, reproof and warning far outweigh the idea of instruction here. This is a father taking the time to teach his son and daughter - but with more than just ideas. The dad is teaching and training - using correction and chastening to drive the point home to the child who is to be learning from him. What is told to the child? Hear this - don't tune dad out when he offers chastening and instruction. Listen and live - and be blessed. It is so vital to a child's well-being to listen and to do so soberly! The child is also told to not forsake the teaching of the mother. Her teaching is not to be tossed aside and left behind. That is the idea being passed on to the child. He or she should take the mom's teaching and hold it fast - not allowing it to be cast to the side in favor of the world and what it seeks to teach that child. The mom is to "lay down the law" here - as the word for teaching is actually torah - which is the Word used to describe God's Law. Yes, there is a desperate need for rules and for expected actions and attitudes in a child. And YES - the mother and the father need to work together not only teaching these things - but also enforcing them with discipline when necessary. Rather than just issue this command, God's Word lets the child know what is coming when they do listen and follow. This teaching and discipline will be a "graceful wreath to your head" and "ornaments about your neck." The wreath spoke of conquest and victory. When a child listens and learns from the Godly teaching and discipline of his father and mother - that child is going to gain valuable victories early in life over the flesh and over that part of himself or herself that rebels against the world. Oh, what a blessing it is when parents help a child early in life to obey - to submit their will to another - to surrender their rights when being directed in life. The worldling child knows little of this - and often is taught to rebel against God's ways and commandments. There is already a fatal flaw in us in this regard - and we so desperately need to learn to respond to God aright. Children - learn to listen and follow the word and the warning of your parents. It will go a long way to preparing you for the world you face. But even more importantly it will help you listen to the God Who will draw you to Himself for the purpose of salvation and a life turned to the right! It is by his deeds that a lad distinguishes himself If his conduct is pure and right. Proverbs 20:11
How do you judge someone's character - especially that of a child? There are those who say that we should never judge anyone - but that statement is fraught with problems. How do you train up a child to be an asset to society rather than a liability? There must be a way to do this - to make sure that your children grow up and take upon themselves the responsibilities of being a valuable adult. Once again God's wisdom takes center stage on this issue. A child is distinguished by his deeds - by what he does. The idea here is that you can investigate and come to a knowledge of just who a child is by looking at his deeds. There are those who would have us award all children the same - as if giving everyone an equal reward will someone make the world a place without competition. The problem with such a plan - of giving trophies to everyone - of handing out ribbons to all participants - of not choosing a validictorian because of how it will make the other children feel - is that this will bring all to the same low level. It is by his actions and deeds that a child distinguishes himself. Raising a child to be what they should be in God's eyes - means setting the bar at the level that God sets it. It means calling him to excellence. The excellence the world seeks in in skill and ability. It is true that even God's Word speaks of how a man who is excellent in his field will be rewarded. But what we are examining in this proverb is how to raise a man or woman of character. The lad distinguishes himself by his deeds is true - but what kind of deeds? Conduct that is pure and right. Too often we spend our time trying to train a child in a sport or field of endeavor without tending to his moral training. What a child needs is character. He needs to know what is pure and right. There is the first way in which God's wisdom will run into a road block set up by the world. The world says there is no way that we can definitively determine and establish right and wrong. Each man's wisdom is his own thinking. That is how we got to the ignoble ending of the book of Judges. A child needs is to be trained that God's Word is what determines what is pure and right. Then the child needs to be trained in how to walk in this world in a way that pleases and honors the Lord. Oh, what a blessing such a child is to the world around him when he or she is trained in this manner. Oh, what blessings will surround and flow forth from such a child. We would do well not to turn to Dr. Spock when training our children, or for that matter to anyone who contradicts what the wisdom of God says. Instead, we need to train our children in the ways of the Lord and watch as they distinguish themselves from the rest of the world - and become the conduit through which the world around them is blessed! |
Proverb a DayEach day, we'll take a look at a verse from the chapter of Proverbs for the day. Our hope is to gain wisdom each day - and from that wisdom - to have understanding to make godly decisions in the throes of everyday life. Thank you for visiting our website! Everything on this site is offered for free. If, however, you would like to make a donation to help pay for its continued presence on the internet, you can do that by clicking here. The only thing we ask is that you give first to the local church you attend. Thank you!
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